RYAN: Here she is, folks.
ATHENA: A Chrysler Pacifica ... it's the MILFMobile.
EMILY: I call shotgun first!
WILL: Pizza rolls!
ACT I, SCENE I
(RYAN, WILL, EMILY, and ATHENA all converge at the rendezvous point in Wilmette to load their gear into the car and get moving as quickly as possible.)
...
RYAN: Here she is, folks.
ATHENA: A Chrysler Pacifica ... it's the MILFMobile.
EMILY: I call shotgun first!
WILL: Pizza rolls!
The rental 2021 Chrysler Pacifica just before the start of the trip.
WILL: Oh, before we go, I should probably mention, my friend can't host us in Syracuse after all.
EMILY: Fuck. Okay, I guess I'll try to find us a campsite somewhere in Upstate New York then. Also, while we're adjusting plans, I was thinking maybe we cut Pittsbugh for time. We'd only have like an hour or two there and cutting it would let us spend basically all day in DC.
ATHENA: I can get down with that. I'd love to show you all around some more. Maybe we can go to the National Gallery of Art.
EMILY: Yeah, that sounds cool, sure.
RYAN: More time for my revenge.
...
(The group packs their gear into the car. RYAN gets in the driver's seat, EMILY rides shotgun, and WILL and ATHENA sit in the back. At 6:35AM, the trip officially begins.)
(ATHENA now begins taking notes on her phone. Excerpts from these notes, which WILL and RYAN also occasionally contribute to, will be presented vertabim and in chronological order throughout the rest of the site.)
ATHENA (Notes): I awoke at 5:00 am. Was ready by 5:20. 5:30 leave time, driven over to Ryan's. Sit in car with mom until Will arrives at 6:00. Various delays. Much spirited activity trying to pack the car. Very hungry. Panera sponsorship secured. Shore off at 6:35. Immediately stopped because Ryan wants his guitar and Will wants a USBC cable. Emily tweeting. I writing. Milfmobile moves off. This trip is sponsored by Panera. Coffee supplied. Emily puts her feet up on the dashboard, in defiance of God and traffic safety laws. We make our way out to the highway, and Ryan has his moment of ecstasy, singing from Arcade Fire’s Funeral. We exit into Fulton Market, move to Lower West Side in the Illinois Medical District passing the Billygoat tavern. Will thinks a sign says porn.
The drive down the Kennedy Expressway.
ACT I, SCENE II
ATHENA (Notes): Ryan and Emily say their goodbyes to Damen Silos as we pass. The stop was not possible. The abandoned remains abandoned.
EMILY: Damn. Forgot there's nowhere to park near here. Usually I just walk from the Ashland Orange Line stop over to the Canalpoint Riverwalk Park and take photos from there.
RYAN: There's some trucks coming down the road. We should get out of the way.
ATHENA (Notes): Upon deciding that there was not a feasible place to park, we decide to move onto visiting an abandoned observatory, hoping the transience would last a bit longer. Will ponders whether one could punch a seagull to death.
Damen Silos, with inactive demolition equipment.
ACT I, SCENE III
ATHENA (Notes): We stop off the highway at a subway to use the restroom. Subway tables and chairs inexplicably stacked near the front window.
EMILY: After all these years, we've found it.
ATHENA: A strip mall that sells 100 percent virgin human hair?
EMILY: No. The world's worst Subway.
The 162nd St Subway.
EMILY: This is the most bizarre strip mall I've ever seen.
WILL: It has a second story gym!
The two-story strip mall.
ACT I, SCENE IV
ATHENA (Notes): The wide open fields of the midwest no longer belays the conquering spirit of the pioneer - no, the buffalo and the indian have been killed and caged, all the destiny manifested - neither is there the age-old conflict between the boomers and the the greatest generation, no more whiskey and rye. No, the empty fields belay the conquered land, the “mastery” over all things. Each stalk of corn is a cubic foot of land conquered, rid of pests, made to serve someone a thousand miles away. Will has taken his shirt off and started to swat Emily with it. But there is nothing to the land. It has lost all its potentiality. It will never be anything other than a cornfield anymore. That is why it is empty. Emily asks if the “pre-ing” thing is going in the records. Lauren is called to ask why they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food. It goes straight to voicemail.
The lonely road.
RYAN: Oh fuck, I think we're being pulled over.
EMILY (To camera): It is day number one, and we've already been pulled over.
RYAN: Don't record right now, I gotta handle this.
ATHENA (Notes): Ryan is issued a citation for passing an emergency vehicle. Athena allows notation duties to be transferred to will while dealing with a UHaul mishap.
ATHENA: Looks like they're putting me on hold. Might be a while.
(The drive resumes. It is now close to 11:00AM.)
WILL (Notes): I am taking over notation because Athena is currently on the phone with the UHaul. In me doing so it makes clear how I have very little understanding of the project. I understand very little, especially the ones around me, simply because I am made aware of how unique their perspectives are ... This document makes clear how I can’t spell or properly string together words. This is the philosophical equivalent of “why they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food” Jim from the office
(Athena finishes her call. At 11:20AM, the group pulls over only a few miles from the observatory to take a bathroom break in a field. The property owner is there by coincidence, and gives his blessing for everyone to rest for a few minutes before continuing on.)
The wheat field.
Ryan enjoying the break.
(The group continues on, past the small town of Hindsboro.)
EMILY: It's weird to think we're 159 miles from home and still in Illinois. I bet the people here view Chicago as some far-off distant land.
RYAN: Can you imagine? Living your entire life in a place like this. All you've ever known is the same couple dozen blocks and 300 people.
ATHENA: Huh.
ACT I, SCENE IV
The Prarie Observatory was constructed sometime around 1968 or 1969 by the University of Illinois at a dark sky site some 35 miles south of their Urbana-Champaign campus. In 1979 the astronomy department outgrew the building, and in 1981 it was decommissioned. In early 2024 the Illinois Department of Natural Resources would finally raze the site, leaving only an empty field. We were unknowingly some of the last people to ever see the structure.
ATHENA (Notes): The smell of wildflowers is in the air. Some walk around the rusted gate, others bow under it. Observatory looms out, rust calling to mind the brass of Ur. Ivy climbs up one side of the dome. The area closed sign is graffitied over with a dick ... As I move around the building, it becomes more obviously part of the landscape. The sounds of Emily clicking camera parts into place are present. I move in deeper ... We take a moment to bear witness to some graffiti that says “everyone dies someday”.
ACT I, SCENE V
(By mid-afternoon, the group begins to slowly go stir-crazy from sitting in a minivan for so long. Will begins to claim the minivan is the entire world. Eventually everyone becomes hyperfixated on finding a mysterious local landmark known as the "Vandalia Dragon." In lieu of notes, Emily makes a short vlog.)
ACT I, SCENE VI
ACT I, SCENE VII
_________________________
Website created March 2025 by Emily D. ("North of North") with heavy inspiration from the game Kentucky Route Zero by cardboard computer.